I’ve talked a little bit about the emotional side of burnout, but there is a physical side as well that I wanted to touch on. Burnout shuts down my entire body. I can’t move or speak. I usually refuse to eat, although that might be more due to my eating disorder. Smoking weed doesn’t even help when I’m burnt out.
Moving extra slowly is one of the first signs that clue me to burnout. It can take 5 minutes for me to move my hand to pick up something. I feel like I’m pushing through a current that is trying to sweep me in the opposite direction. I also will start speaking very slowly, because my processing system has shut down.
Burnout can also make me feel sick as fuck. My vessel has taken enough damage and it can’t do anything more. I often get a cold if I am burnt out for too long. This is one of the worst parts for me. I can handle emotional turmoil, but anything physically scares me. Thus, it makes me feel even more burnt out. It’s a rough cycle.
Burnout is shutting me down as we speak. My body has given up physically and emotionally. I am going through way too much shit right now, but I don’t have a choice. I have to keep pushing through. I am proud that I have given up things that I could, such as quitting my job. There is still a lot going on, but I’m so happy that I respected myself enough to say that something has to give.