Autism

Do Your Worst, I’ll Survive Another Year

As 2020 draws to a close, I wanted to make a list of resolutions and goals for the upcoming year. I know 2020 was a major shit show for most of Earth’s population, but it was kinda my best year ever. I grew in so many ways this year. I am truly not the same creature I was this time last year. I learned that I was being abused by people close to me, got rid of some very toxic relationships, and did quite a bit of advocating for myself and my community. Sure, I was suicidal and burnt out as all hell this year, but I somehow managed to survive. Here’s a list of the things I want to accomplish in 2021

  1. Finish getting rid of the abusive people in my life
    • I learned this year that my spouse was being incredibly abusive to me. They had taken full advantage of my autism and convinced me that everything I had been doing was wrong. They made me believe that I had the worst social skills. They manipulated my meltdowns. They damaged my soul and my spirit. And I had no idea whatsoever. I thought they were my biggest support. Non toxic people coming into my life showed me what true respect and kindness are supposed to be. I only have two or three more months left living with them. My freedom is right around the corner.
  2. Build my advocacy skills and portfolio
    • I want to keep producing advocacy content. Advocating is what I was put on this Earth to do. I want to write articles and essays and speak at as many trainings and conferences as I can this year.
  3. Knit, knit, knit
    • I want to keep learning new knitting skills. There are so many techniques to learn. I’m very excited that I am at the beginning of my knitting journey. I have a lot in front of me that I need to tackle and it is beautiful. I really want to learn stranded colorwork and more shaping techniques this year. I also want to try to knit at least two sweaters this year and a charity item every month.
  4. I want to just “be”
    • I just want to be is my mantra I repeat when I am having a hard time. I have not lived in a safe or healthy environment my entire life. I finally have a chance to create my own space and rules. I don’t want to live my life for anyone but myself ever again. I want to just be.

I am so close to being where I want to be in life. I am literally straddling the precipice. This year is going to be my first year of freedom. I can finally stitch back together my broken down soul. I will finally have the energy to actually live life. I can’t fucking wait. Below is the song that inspired the title for this post.

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