Autism

Fuck You, Fine Motor Skills

Fine motor skills have never been my friends. I spent many years in occupational therapy trying to learn things like how to tie my shoes or how to hold a fork. But my hands still just won’t cooperate, which can be incredibly frustrating. I still can’t figure out the shoe tying thing. I can do it, but it takes me forever and I am more susceptible to a panic attack the longer it takes. The shoes also generally untie themselves within the hour.

You may ask yourself, “I’ve pursued your blog before. You mention knitting several times. How can you knit a sweater and still not figure out how to tie your shoes?” The answer to that is I have no fucking clue. I do know that I don’t knit the way most people do. I have had to figure out how to use the needles in the easiest way possible for me. It does involve pushing the needle tips down a lot, which hurts, but it’s worth it. Knitting is a great fine motor self confidence boost. When I knit, my hands work the way I tell them to and that is not something I get to say often.

I fear that fine motors skills are something I will never truly accomplish, but that is ok. There are ways around everything. I wear shoes that don’t require laces or slide my feet in and out of already laced shoes. I knit like a true punk. I bleed for that shit, man. I have learned to adapt in my own ways and that feels like hell of more of an accomplishment that holding a pencil or a fork in the “correct” way.

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